General Hospital (RUDE)Recap 9/21/2021 : No-Friend Nina’s Never Ending Story of Nixon Falls/ How to Throw A Wedding On a Budget
KABOOOOMMMM! And we are off with a bang. Well, sort of.
Brooklyn and Chase
Chase, that stud of a shell of a man that he is, shows up to the Q mansion with a Sephora bag for Monica. Brooklyn, tapping little Bailey Louise’s back with the force one reserves for a bongo drum, answers the door. The whisp of an Adonis asks Brooklyn why she isn’t at Jason and Carly’s wedding, which is a valid question because if I had to sit through it, so should Brooklyn. Brooklyn doesn’t even try to front “I was closer to Sonny.”- finally somebody who didn’t drink the Jarly Juice! Honesty is her best quality. Except for the whole fake pregnancy.
Neverending Cocktail Hour
Cut to the reception, and everybody is drinking Jarly Juice, but nobody is eating because Maxie stole the catering budget to buy that hideous dress. Ned uses the word Gregarious, and Olivia has to show all the restraint she can muster not to punch him. Monica says some optimistic Jarly Juice mumbo jumbo. Bobbie gives her a perplexed look wondering why Monica would hide her 70-year-old cleavage at a time like this. Thankfully, Bobbie doesn’t utter a word because we remember the breast cancer storyline. Now cover those up, Bobbie; you may be the world’s only sexy great-grandmother but have some modesty.
Traditional Wedding Car Bomb
Carly seems upset that she just watched two men explode in the same parking lot as her. She calms down when Jason informs her it’s a tradition dating back to when Lily was blown up for Brenda and Jax’s wedding. Back at the reception, Spinelli is stalling because the newlyweds are late. Diane is ready to go down to the PCPD and start billing them for hours because she knows how the couple likes to party. Brandon interrupts to ask if everything is okay because Diane looks like she might bruise Spinelli, which happens when people speak directly to him louder than an indoor voice. Spinelli gets back at her and Brando by giving them a cliffhanger about the recent explosion at All Saints Church.
Sonny Needs a Ride Home and an Inside Voice
Back in Nixon Falls -my God, I want to die- Nina seems crazy and desperate, but we’ve all been in her shoes and kept an amnesiac his loved ones. Sonny is yelling so loud as if he were a commercial in the middle of a Youtube video. I was in Nina’s corner until she said the unthinkable: “But you were happy in Nixon Falls.” Never has anyone said that phrase. Sonny put her in his place by screaming, “I’m not doing this now!” The volume makes me wonder whether or not Sonny’s eardrums are damaged in the fire. Since I know sign language, I’m down for it. GH hasn’t done a deaf storyline since before Dominique Stanton died of that brain tumor. Talk about mining history for storylines.
Useless Is Jax’s New Thing I Guess
Jax offers Sonny a ride and maybe is too excited about doing so. He also apologizes to Sonny for what happened. Sonny, who is probably in need of more serious medical care, clearly doesn’t remember that Jax left him to die in a fire a couple of hours ago. Jax decides he no longer wants to alert anybody in Port Charles about anything ever, and it’s time to make Nina feel like a trash person. Trash person responds by saying, “what have I done?”-something she should have asked a million times over the past few months. But don’t worry, Nina. Jax will remind you of your failures.
Ms. Wu is Magic
Suddenly, Ms. Wu is inside the limo where Jason is sitting. Carly has no idea how she pulled the magic trick off. Wu warns them of approaching firefighters, and Carly agrees there may even be police officers too! Wu then gives Carly the most heartfelt of demands that she dances with Jason on her wedding day.
Spinelli has to explain to sweet, innocent Brando how two fat pieces of shit like the Novaks could get killed at their rival’s wedding. Spinelli reminds Brando about the whole existence of organized criminals because amnesia runs in the Corbin family genes. Diane expresses gratitude that Gladys wasn’t in the car with them, and Brando gets incredibly sad that his mother is alive.
Olivia approaches Austin about his nasty “insinuatin’ about her son’s ‘communicatin’. She also declares that she doesn’t like him using the word “communication” and gives off Joe Pesci vibes like whoa. Austin classily escapes the conversation when Ned arrives and glares at Olivia for abusing the thesaurus he bought her for Christmas.
There are 34,000 People in the Episode And Nothing Happens
Cameron walks over to Trina, Joss, and Bobbie, giggling and asks what’s funny. Great-grandma Bobbie is drunk as a skunk off the Jarly Juice as she informs Cam that Brando is a stripper. Joss looks off into the distance when Cameron asks where she’s seen male strippers before. Man, I hope Brando is drunk and stripping on the other side of the reception because this party needs something different than Jarly Juice and an explosion.
Maxie rags on Spinelli to be the emcee unless Diane is interested; she declines because she can’t bill the Corinthos Family twice for it. Spinelli compliments Maxie on being less of a zombie now that Peter is out of her life.
Nina’s Falls– Nixon Falls, Anna and Val finally arrive, and Nina has no idea his ship has already sailed, but don’t worry, it’s coming. Soot covered Nina is explaining how things went down, including calling Liesl but neglects to mention Sonny. Anna, looking fabulous, smells bullshit because Peter didn’t have a gun pointed at her for two whole weeks- although Peter has been known to hold the audience hostage for months at a time.
Chase Talks about Camping
Brooklyn has burped Bailey Louise so hard she will never expel gas anymore ever, so she needs to put it down and bang Chase. These two show a lot of restraint. Seriously, do you know attractive people with free time not having sex with somebody?
Brando tries to tell Gladys that Novak stood her up. A more accurate explanation: Gladys narrowly avoided becoming a charred corpse in a JC. Penny gown. I know it’s from Penny’s because I’m from Bridgeport, Connecticut, just like Gladys. That dress is from Penny’s!
I am pausing this episode because I just had a realization as a scene with Willow and Michael began:
WHERE THE F is Sonny?
We’ve jumped multiple times from scenes involving Ms. Wu, Brooklyn, Chase, Spinelli, Diane, Monica, Bobbie, Ned, Olivia, Austin, Diane, Brando, Josslyn, Cameron, Trina, Nina, Jax, Valentin, Anna, Maxie, Gladys, Michael, Willow and that hideous dress- WHAT THE F? Show me a montage of the last ten years of his memories or something and get him to the reception.
Also, Carly and Jason aren’t at the reception yet either. And I’m not one to complain about lots of characters in an episode but 24 people in 13 minutes???? So you know what, GH, I’m going do what you do. I’m going to ignore the rest of the episode until- fine, I’ll just cut this recap short. But General Hospital, I am warning you… something better happen, or else I’m going to keep watching and complain louder.
Comment below because if I can make fun, you can too!
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Thank you for this article. I